Recently, there's been a few rumors circulating about a sixth installment in the Die Hard franchise, but none have been made public... until now. A few things brought this to my attention: Firstly, when Bruce Willis hosted Saturday Night Live last weekend, he mentioned that there were six Die Hard movies. But as any die-hard Die Hard fan knows, there are only five... and the fifth was a total dud. However, a quick Google search directed me to THIS page, where I realized that Willis was actually foreshadowing Die Hard 6: Die Hardest, which will take place in Tokyo.
I've got some mixed feelings about this, because although this is one of my favorite franchises and the original is one of the greatest action films of all time, there's such a thing as "too much of a good thing." Also, A Good Day to Die Hard was one of the worst and most disappointing films of the year, as the director haphazardly attempted to pass the Die Hard torch from Willis to Jai Courtney, who played his son. This was an even bigger mistake than casting Shiia Ladouche as Indiana Jones's son in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And that's saying something.
Still, I don't want the franchise to leave off at such a crappy film, making me a lot more invested in having this new installment be good than I really should be. So without further ado, here's my list of WAYS TO MAKE DIE HARD 6 GOOD!
1) Get Willis back in an enclosed space. This is a big one. The Die Hard movies have seen a steady decrease in quality over the years, and I think I know why. In the first, John McClane is trapped in a skyscraper. In the second, he is roaming around an airport (and a snowy town). In the third, he wreaks havoc all over New York. In the fourth, his adventure spans the whole East Coast. And in the fifth (and shittiest) installment, he flies all the way to Russia. See the pattern? As the environment for Willis's destruction becomes larger, the suspense becomes less and less involving. So Die Hard 6 should take place in an abandoned warehouse, a shopping mall, a casino, or something small and claustrophobic. Also, everyone needs to be armed to the teeth. But that goes without saying.
2) Write a good script. This should also go without saying, but it seems to have eluded the creators of Die Hard V. Featuring repetitive dialogue such as "I'M ON VACATION!" the movie is more suited to the drinking game crowd than Die Hard fans. In short, it needs to have good banter, fun one-liners, and (of course) a classic yippee-ki-yay moment. I'm not asking for the first one all over again, because let's face it, that monumental film cannot be reproduced. But I AM asking for something more passable than "You know what I hate about Americans? EVERYTHING."
3) Get rid of that little shit Jai Courtney. Seriously, who told him he could act? Sure, he might be passable in any other role, but he pales in comparison to what Willis represents: Classic 80's-style action movies. He's just not badass or likable enough to be the Son of McClane. I say either write the character out entirely, or cast someone with actual acting cred in the role. Joseph Gordon-Levitt comes readily to mind, seeing as he and Willis worked so well together in 2012's Looper, and audiences already associate them as being related (if not the same person).
4) Make the villain epic. Again, I'm not shooting for Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber here, as he's easily the greatest action villain of all time. But it would be nice to see a return to form for Die Hard villains. Jeremy Irons was great in Die Hard With a Vengeance, and the franchise has a history of having memorable and cunning enemies for McClane. They should cast someone as old or older than Willis, to make him look like a young guy fighting off the evil old villain like in the old days. I'm thinking someone like Morgan Freeman, but he's too likable to play the part. So let's say Ralph Fiennes.
That's how you make a good Die Hard movie. Anything else that should be included in Die Hard 6? Should it feature some better plot twists than A Good Day to Die Hard? Certainly. Should it be called Old Habits Die Hard? FUCK YES! Let me know in the comments.
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