TV REVIEWS: Firefly

I’ve been getting a lot of requests to do TV show reviews, and I’ve finally given in-- besides, what better way to kick off Tut’s Tutillating Television Reviews than my absolute favorite show, Firefly? A quick backstory: I actually watched Serenity, the film adaptation of this great show, before I was able to see any of the episodes. But even though the story kind of lost me, I was incredibly intrigued by the characters and the feel of the movie. It made me want to watch more. So I queued up an episode of Joss “The Boss” Whedon’s cult hit on Netflix, and... I found God. In the form of Malcom Reynolds, sure, but I found God. If you know me, you know I can find flaws in anything (literally-- ANYTHING). I can nitpick even my favorite movies. But I can truthfully say this right here and now: Even my favorite movie, Raiders of the Lost Ark, technically scores a 9.957/10 on the Anus-O-Meter. No movie has ever gotten past that. But Firefly is the full ten. It is, in a word, perfect.

Firefly is the story of Malcom Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), the captain of the Firefly-class transport ship Serenity. Mal was a so-called ‘browncoat’ back in an intergalactic war for independence, which he lost. After the war, he and his old war cohort Zoe (Gina Torres) bought Serenity in order to “Never have to be under the heel of nobody ever again.” Also along for the ride are Wash, the pilot and Zoe’s husband, Jayne, a freelance mercenary who is both crude and lovable, and Kaylee, the engineer, a hippie-dippy overalls-wearing girl who is in tune with machines. At the beginning of the show, Serenity picks up a doctor, a preacher, and already has a certified prostitute staying on board.

This show is a religion. I will just say that now so there will be no confusion. Watching an episode of Firefly every week is my version of going to church. Literally everything works in this show. Firstly: The concept. Firefly may be sci-fi, but it’s really a western. The free spirit of the series is the same kind of goosebump-inducing John Wayne kind of feel you’d expect from a western IN SPACE. It works this concept into everything, and it weaves this mind-blowingly realistic idea remarkably well. Sure, there are spaceships-- but there are also horses, powder weapons, and distinctly western phrases. “Gorram mudders!”

Which brings me to the dialogue. HOLY SHIT, is it ever inspired. Every second of every episode clinks along perfectly, with no awkward or tongue-in-cheek moments. It’s easily the most quotable television series of all time, giving the world such memorable lines as “Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!” and “Not as deceivin’ as a low-down... dirty... deceiver.” I get chills when I hear dialogue as good as this. It is incredibly realistic and has a lot of range-- the show can go from being a drama to a comedy in 30 seconds flat.

All of the characters are written well, and it’s their personality quirks and backstories that make the show what it is. Usually a show will have one character who you say “Yeah, that guy... not so much.” Firefly does not have that guy. Every character is likable, funny, and relatable in some way. They are clearly defined, and you know exactly what they want out of life. But Malcom Reynolds... Malcom motherfucking Reynolds... wow. Rarely does a TV character have the depth that Nathan Fillion gives his tortured captain. Although the character is clearly written to be bitter about his loss in the war, Fillion gives him a Han Solo-y likability that is just absolutely intangible, but is a thrill ride to watch. He pretends that all he wants is to make money and go on his way, but you know that inside, he’s a far deeper man than that. This performance is a fucking tour de force, but it doesn’t completely outperform the rest of the cast, who are also incredible. Altogether, this is the best ensemble cast of all time, playing fantastic characters with the best dialogue ever written, directed by the God of the Nerds, with a killer premise. You see now why I have 100% lost my shit over this show.

The special effects are campy, but THAT’S THE POINT. Unfortunately, this is probably what killed the show. Even with its cartoony effects (which work incredibly well), it had a massive budget. And this is why the FUCKING GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHIT... FUCK... AAAAAAAAARGH... FOX Network cancelled it. Those words bring tears to my eyes. This show is such a good-hearted, lovable, fantastic experience, and FOX killed it. Why must this company destroy ALL that is good in the world? FUCK! Firefly, in the most idiotic decision of all time, was cancelled after only fourteen episodes. Not only that, but FOX aired them out of of order, gave the show a horrible time slot, and didn’t allow it to pick up any momentum before lowering the boom.

How much do I love this show? Let’s get this straight: If I had a time machine and could go back to reverse only ONE event in human history, I wouldn’t think about it for a second. Fuck killing Hitler, or Saddam Hussein, or Stalin-- I would travel to 2001 and tell FOX not to cancel Firefly. That is how good this shit is. Final Score for my religion: 100/10 stars. This show is a religious experience for anyone who calls themselves a nerd. It is spectacular. There are dozens of high points in the series, but my head could explode trying to pinpoint a low moment. It is a rollercoaster ride that never stops, or SHOULD never have stopped... fuck it. I will say this in closing: Even though I hate sappy shit, there are some of these moments in Firefly. And somehow, it actually got me to feel something. Elation? Joy? Those words do not cover it. This show touched my very fucking soul. Yes, I have a soul (dark as it may be). Firefly is the most absolutely amazing thing you will ever see. Prefuckingpare yourself.

TV REVIEWS: Breaking Bad

I once thought that, in all the history of television, there weren’t many stories that people dared to do. Sitcoms always had the plucky and sarcastic lead, the straight man friend, the love interest, and the goofball. Dramas always had the mysterious lead, the shallow friend, the hot love interest, and the crazy guy. Westerns were always westerns, medical dramas were always boring, and cop shows always began with CSI and ended with ‘Vice.’ In short, yes, I had lost all faith in TV and decided that movies were the medium with which to spend my entertainment time. And then... a one in a million show like Breaking Bad came onto my radar. Those who call it one of the greatest shows of all time are underselling it-- this is THE GREATEST TV drama of all time. It dispenses of every gimmick, every trope, and everything you ever thought you knew about TV. And what you’re left with is the most original television series of all time.

But before I go full fanboy, let’s tell the story-- Breaking Bad is the sordid, morbid, and increasingly depressing tale of Walter White, an underachieving high school chemistry teacher who is hit with an unexpected cancer diagnosis. He begins cooking the purest meth of all time, first to provide for his family, and later because (in his own words) “I’M GOOD AT IT.” My biggest beef with people who don’t like this show is the argument they always present about it: IT’S JUST A SHOW ABOUT METH. Yes, that is the setup. Yes, that is what sets the events in motion. But the actual cooking of the meth is shown only on occasion. Most of the time, you will get so sucked into the characters, you will forget that meth was even part of it in the first place. This show is all about Walt, and how through the process of cooking a product that kills people, he corrodes his soul to the point of no return. In short, he ‘breaks bad,’ hence the title of the show.

The biggest feat this show accomplishes is the way it can make the audience feel sympathetic for Walt, even after he lets a girl suffocate in her own vomit, poisons a child, and is indirectly responsible for an airplane collision. But he’s not evil; he’s just an ordinary man driven to enormous extremes under incredible circumstances. Bryan Cranston’s performance as White is one of the best of all time, as he leads a remarkable double life, hiding his secret from his family and friends. As the show progresses, you begin to understand that maybe Walt was like this all along, and it just took this final insult to push him over the edge and allow him to become what he always was deep down: A cold, hardened, and frightening criminal mastermind. The more the audience sees, the more we understand that the shallow and lighthearted personality he puts on at home is the act, and his real persona is that of Heisenberg, his alter ego and secret identity that he uses while dealing with the meth underworld. His transformation isn’t really a transformation-- it was just a change waiting to happen.

Accompanying Walt is Jesse Pinkman, a druggie burnout who was once a student of Walt’s, and whose favorite insult word is ‘bitch.’ Jesse was supposed to be killed off near the beginning of the show, but fortunately, the writers took another path-- and thank God they did, because it’s impossible to imagine the show without him. Jesse, although he is a drug addict with emotional problems, is still hands down the heart and soul of the show. He is easily the most intrinsically sympathetic character in the series, and as his character is explored more and more, we understand that he’s not really a bad person. He’s just a good person in increasingly bad situations. Which makes it all the more painful to see him in pain as Walt attempts to drag him down with him. His story arc with Jane is enough to leave no dry eyes in the room, but unfortunately he consistently allows himself to be manipulated by Walt, which makes him a bit of an annoying character. Still, Aaron Paul is perfect in the role, even if the stories that are done with him aren’t always so enthralling.

A plethora of supporting characters surround these two. Anna Gunn plays Walt’s controlling wife Skylar, the weakest character on the show at the beginning, but an incredibly sympathetic one towards the end as we witness her mental breakdown after she discovers Walt’s true nature (but she’s still a bitch). Dean Norris, a virtual unknown before he started on the show, proves himself to be one of the most powerful actors working right now with his tour de force as Hank Schrader, Walt’s brother-in-law who works for the DEA, and acts as the show’s moral center. Bob Odenkirk of Mr. Show also stands in as the consistently hilarious comic relief Saul Goodman, the criminal lawyer (and I mean CRIMINAL lawyer) who Walt and Jesse hire to be the Tom Hagan to Walt’s Vito Corleone. And if that wasn’t enough, Giancarlo Esposito gives the performance of a lifetime as the cool, calm, and self-assured drug kingpin Gustavo Fring, who makes Walt’s double life look like child’s play. Each of these characters have incredibly powerful story arcs (except that bitch Skylar), giving masterful performances and acting out some of the best-written and most amazing scenes in all of TV. Gus’s death at the end of season four is spectacularly done. Hank’s sudden realization about Walt in the episode “Gliding Over All” is the ultimate cliffhanger to end all cliffhangers. Every scene crackles with authenticity, incredible dialogue, and unforgettable characters. It’s totally mesmerizing.

Credit must be given to Vince Gilligan, who I am ready to elect president now, forget about the Emmys. He saw something in Bryan Cranston back when the two worked together in The X-Files, and that made him pick Cranston for the role. Every character is perfectly cast, and everyone is relatable (except that bitch Skylar), but the choice to put a comedic actor in the role of Walter White is simultaneously the most eyebrow-raising and massively entertaining move in all of TV. But I can’t complain about anyone really (except that bitch Skylar), because all of the actors are so well cast, all of the characters are so deep and well-explored, and all of the dialogue is so realistic and powerful. This show has given us some of the most iconic viewing experiences of all time, from episode one in which Walt stands in the middle of the street in his tighty whities, to the final installment, where he rigs a car trunk to open and an automatic rifle to spray a building with bullets. Along the way, we bear witness to dissolved bodies falling through ceilings, bike lock strangulations, Pontiac Aztek killings, roof pizza, crawlspace screaming, bell ringing, an incredibly obnoxious fly, rocks (sorry, minerals), tracking devices, magnets, meth that is not meth, science (BITCH), face removals, breakfast, a meth superlab, the saddest moment for an RV in recent memory, garage confrontations, and the inevitable spiral into darkness for the most conflicted main character of all time. It will have you riveted.

Final Score for Breaking Bad: 10/10 stars. This show is perfect (with the exception of that bitch Skylar), with not a moment that should be left out or changed. Everything works here, and it’s the kind of dialogue-driven drama that people should be craving nowadays. As much as the prudes and wimps of the world would like it to go away, it won’t-- this show is cemented in its legacy as the ultimate example of what TV should be like. Not only has it paved a way for more dramas like (but not equal to) it, it has claimed its place at the top of the television pantheon. It’s the one show that lives up to its hype. It’s something that truly has to be seen to be believed. It’s incredible. It’s awesome. And you will be rooting for its tortured lead all the way to the end. It’s Breaking Bad.