Sometimes, a summer movie will be great, sometimes it will be good, and sometimes it will be so bad it's entertaining. The Wolverine, unfortunately, fails on all three fronts. Bringing back Hugh Jackman as the iconic superhero, it puts him in Japan and tries to convince the audience of a half-assed re-imagining of Wolverine as a samurai. As cool as Wolverine VS Ninjas sounds, it's not very good onscreen, especially when there are no characters or good dialogue to hold it all up.
Throughout the proceedings, I could think of only one thing: WHY DOES THIS MOVIE EXIST? The answer, as it all too often is, is money. This contributes nothing to X-Men, Wolverine's story, or anything Marvel wanted to do. It is just killing time until the sequels to Spider-Man, Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers. It's a waste of celluloid and, even worse, a waste of my time. Anyone can throw together a movie about some guy with claws ripping the living shit out of people, but it requires some depth to the characters and some attention to the acting. The Wolverine did neither, as it barreled ever forward like a runaway train. Also, can superhero film writers not think of ANYTHING original for the plot? Yet again, we're treated to the hero losing his powers in some bullshit way, only to be regained at the end of the movie. Spider-Man 2 did it first, and far better.
The action sequences are somewhat memorable, I suppose, but they are shoehorned into the movie in the most idiotic of ways. One scene on a bullet train is particularly entertaining, and I am guilty of uttering WOW a couple of times, but that's not enough to save a movie. Especially when it follows that up with a giant samurai Iron Man with heat-swords tearing people's anuses asunder. None of the villains were memorable, and don't even deserve to be called 'villains' if that category also includes Hans Gruber and HAL 9000.
I give this movie no points for plot, dialogue, characters, or any of the things that I actually value in a film. It has plenty of ludicrous action sequences, but it eventually overloads on them with a ridiculous machine that can strip Wolverine of his powers and some annoying viper-woman in green spandex. I'm sure it sounded awesome on paper, or in an elevator pitch, but that's basically all this movie is-- a dumb idea stretched to two hours. Jackman is, as always, fully committed to his role, but he is given very little to work with other than "Be gruff, be tough, and kill people." And it's even more disappointing when you realize what a great superhero Wolverine is-- he's mysterious, conflicted, and deep. But unfortunately, none of those qualities seem to have made the transfer to the big screen.
I'm not sure why the X-Men movies get so much critical acclaim, but I suppose it's because of the charisma of some of the actors and the often astounding special effects. And if you like superhero movies, I recommend this highly. However, for people who are passionate about film, this loud and ridiculous mess will bore you to the soul. I admit that this movie was not made for me, but good God, it could have at least made an EFFORT. None of the plot is coherent, none of the dialogue rings true, and all the characters are either generic or stereotypes. Much like Pacific Rim (another product of a runaway budget this year), The Wolverine will impress action junkies who enjoy seeing Asian towns get ripped to pieces as the main character's warpath continues. But for those who want their movies to make a bit of sense, well... this is not your thing.
Final Score for The Wolverine: 3/10 stars. Sure, for dumb summer fun, you could do worse, but why settle for such a mediocre film as this? It's boring, redundant, and a total waste of time. It's not as bad as Man of Steal Your Money, but it's not coming close to redeem this already horrible year for movies.
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